I'm sitting in the balcony of my room at Club Mahindra
Binsar Villa as I write this. It is shortly after dawn and the sun is nowhere to
be seen even though it is past its rise time. I'm surrounded by clouds on all
four sides and I could, well, literally be on cloud nine or ten or whatever,
for that matter. I hear a lot of sounds but mostly silence. It is these
sounds that I love: the rain pouring hard on the wooden floor of my balcony, the
peaceful nature, the distant and the distance, and most importantly the sound
within myself.
My personal diary that is no longer personal. |
I start to feel a little cold with a drop in temperature
that this rain has brought. I start to feel a little cold on the outside and
the inside. By now, the clouds are engulfing me and I can hardly see beyond a
few feet. Rubbing my arms to seek warmth, I grab my sweatshirt which I brought
with me to the balcony, and wear it over my white tee shirt that is wrinkled
from the night. I place my feet on the tea table that is kept in front of me
and start to pen down my thoughts. Not that I am running out of things to share
with people, but it’s just that today I have particularly nothing to write
about, mainly because in this hour and at this kind of place, I couldn't care less.
So, I allow myself some me time and sit in the same spot for what seems like
forever. Occupied with my thoughts, I feel my cheeks dampen a bit which could
easily be identified as due to the raindrops but, who knows?! I've never been so overwhelmed by nature or by
myself. I flip through the pages of my personal diary and just then, it dawns
upon me that it is no longer personal.
Immediately, I stop writing and leave my pen on that very page but I make sure to take my emotions away from it. Something urges me to continue writing and I don't know why but I pick up from the same page where I left off and words come out effortlessly and maybe, emotionlessly too. I describe my nightmare in vivid detail till it seems like the script of a horror flick.
After I am done recalling and writing what I least wanted to, I turn to a fresh page. I fill it with my dreams and hopes. I pen down my wishes and my prayers. As I look up from the diary, I see that my sun has finally risen.
I had woken up from a nightmare
that brought me to tears as soon as I gained consciousness. I found myself
searching for the switch board but I couldn't reach for it. More than light, I
needed water. So, I got up and headed straight towards the kitchen and poured
myself a glass of water. I took a long sip and returned to my bed. Unable to
sleep, I got up again and headed to the balcony to experience something only few of us are capable of experiencing.
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