I could no longer hold my urge to write on this 'sensitive' topic, more so when I, myself, was going through that time of the month. You know what time of the month is, right? Let's give it the status it deserves: MENSTRUAL PERIOD is what I am referring to. After having written and re-written this article a couple of times, I finally decided to make it public, not caring for what people might say. Initially, I was worried that guys might make fun of something which is 100% NORMAL and NATURAL to happen to the fairer sex. Enough of considering menstruation a taboo; it is time we all realised that this is as natural and humanly as breathing.
Everybody knows about it, everybody talks about it. But not everybody goes through it. This is well, an exclusivity for females. Now that we've established what this piece talks about, I describe in vivid detail what it feels like to bleed every month and still not die. Period. (Literally and rhetorically speaking)
1. Sit. Stand. Niagara falls.
Girls have a better (worse, actually) experience than those who've spent a fortune to visit the Niagara Falls. All of it seems fine when you sit, but the moment you stand it feels like all the blood in your body reacts overwhelmingly to the gravitational force. It takes a few seconds before you can set in motion again. Deep breathing, slow walking help you overcome the disaster.
2. Terror
So, the aftermath of Niagara Falls begins when you stand. The protocol goes like this- get up, check your seat, check again only to make sure you didn't dirty the bedsheets/ sofa/ chair/ couch/ table/ boyfriend's lap. A very common thing girls do is ask their friend if their pants are clean (or spotted) while they walk a metre ahead of them. It's a win-win situation where you can be sure of not messing up your pants and the friend gets a good look at your ass. Touché. And oh, sneezing during period is next to dying.
3. Sleeping
The only days when sleeping itself is nothing short of a nightmare. You need to lie down in that perfect position and angle your pants in such a way to not surprise yourself with bedsheets dyed red overnight. And on some period mornings, "Bravo! You just painted the Japanese flag!"
4. Cramps and aches
So, this isn't a new phenomenon that occurs during a woman's period. Severe stomach aches and cramps ensure that you have a painful period. It feels as though your insides are being churned and twisted for no particular reason per se. And then there are these tablets which promise to take away this pain but I am not a testimony for their effectiveness.
5. Whites are for the good days
Do not, do not even think about wearing white (light coloured) lowers or pants during that time of the month. In contrast to the fact that White is the colour of peace, it is also the colour that can destroy your piece of pant and peace of mind. Save those tide-washed whites for the good days.
6. Stress cycle
Stress can lead to delayed period and delayed period can lead to stress. You do know what I mean, right? Having to remember the date of last period is such a stressful task and calculating the next period date is only natural. What is extremely stressful and worrisome is when you pass the date of your upcoming period, that too when you haven't had sex or even if you did, he took precaution. And dealing with an even more worried mom is tough because she will know when you've been naughty (or horny).
7. Mood swings
Well, I wouldn't hold PMS responsible for my mood swings or my crankiness. Boys need to know I can still be upset, cranky and moody while I'm not PMSing. To be on a safer side, never piss someone who bleeds for 5 days a month and doesn't die. You get my point? However, we like to be held by our respective boyfriends and don't mind those consolation hugs and kisses. In fact, it is scientifically proven that the pain eases when you hold someone you love. Have I dropped enough hints for boys, or you need to be spoon-fed?
Other girls be like:
I be like:
Coming to the end of this menstrual menace, all's well that ends well. Not every female is lucky to have it normal. Have a happy period, girls.
Everybody knows about it, everybody talks about it. But not everybody goes through it. This is well, an exclusivity for females. Now that we've established what this piece talks about, I describe in vivid detail what it feels like to bleed every month and still not die. Period. (Literally and rhetorically speaking)
1. Sit. Stand. Niagara falls.
Girls have a better (worse, actually) experience than those who've spent a fortune to visit the Niagara Falls. All of it seems fine when you sit, but the moment you stand it feels like all the blood in your body reacts overwhelmingly to the gravitational force. It takes a few seconds before you can set in motion again. Deep breathing, slow walking help you overcome the disaster.
2. Terror
So, the aftermath of Niagara Falls begins when you stand. The protocol goes like this- get up, check your seat, check again only to make sure you didn't dirty the bedsheets/ sofa/ chair/ couch/ table/ boyfriend's lap. A very common thing girls do is ask their friend if their pants are clean (or spotted) while they walk a metre ahead of them. It's a win-win situation where you can be sure of not messing up your pants and the friend gets a good look at your ass. Touché. And oh, sneezing during period is next to dying.
3. Sleeping
The only days when sleeping itself is nothing short of a nightmare. You need to lie down in that perfect position and angle your pants in such a way to not surprise yourself with bedsheets dyed red overnight. And on some period mornings, "Bravo! You just painted the Japanese flag!"
4. Cramps and aches
So, this isn't a new phenomenon that occurs during a woman's period. Severe stomach aches and cramps ensure that you have a painful period. It feels as though your insides are being churned and twisted for no particular reason per se. And then there are these tablets which promise to take away this pain but I am not a testimony for their effectiveness.
5. Whites are for the good days
Do not, do not even think about wearing white (light coloured) lowers or pants during that time of the month. In contrast to the fact that White is the colour of peace, it is also the colour that can destroy your piece of pant and peace of mind. Save those tide-washed whites for the good days.
6. Stress cycle
Stress can lead to delayed period and delayed period can lead to stress. You do know what I mean, right? Having to remember the date of last period is such a stressful task and calculating the next period date is only natural. What is extremely stressful and worrisome is when you pass the date of your upcoming period, that too when you haven't had sex or even if you did, he took precaution. And dealing with an even more worried mom is tough because she will know when you've been naughty (or horny).
7. Mood swings
Well, I wouldn't hold PMS responsible for my mood swings or my crankiness. Boys need to know I can still be upset, cranky and moody while I'm not PMSing. To be on a safer side, never piss someone who bleeds for 5 days a month and doesn't die. You get my point? However, we like to be held by our respective boyfriends and don't mind those consolation hugs and kisses. In fact, it is scientifically proven that the pain eases when you hold someone you love. Have I dropped enough hints for boys, or you need to be spoon-fed?
Other girls be like:
I be like:
Coming to the end of this menstrual menace, all's well that ends well. Not every female is lucky to have it normal. Have a happy period, girls.
Wow, this blew my mind!
ReplyDeleteSuch an entertaining way of writing on a sensitive topic!
I just can't understand why do we need to be so hush hush about our periods?