Skip to main content

Moving on, but not really

Am I over him yet? Maybe. Yes. I think so. Yes. No. Maybe. Let's see. 

Every time my phone beeps, my heart skips a beat in the hope that it might be him. 
Every time my phone rings, part of me wants the screen to display his number which by the way I still remember by heart even though I deleted it long ago. 
Every time I become part of a crowd, my eyes wander trying to land on that one face I used to cup with my hands. 
But I have moved on. I am over him. Right?


At least that's what I tell myself every night before I go to sleep. And quite frankly, that's what helps me sleep. 
Every time I see someone as tall as him, with a complexion similar to his, and a walk that reminds me of him walking away, I almost run toward the man only to embarrass myself and apologise for the intrusion. 
Sometimes I even dream about him and wake up in the middle of the night startled because I can't tell if it was a sweet dream or a nightmare. 
Every time I see a young couple walk hand in hand, I secretly hope that the guy isn't him. 
Every time our song comes on, I wonder if it still is our song. 
Every time I enter the men's section in a mall, I find myself picking out tees and shirts I would have liked him to wear. His tees and shirts that I would have worn after we made sweet love. 
Every time a guy wearing the perfume similar to his walks past me, my senses become sharp as a hound's. 
But I'm not still in love with him. I am in nothing with him. He knows. 
Every time I drink wine, I compare the sourness of grapes to the sourness in my heart.
But the taste of his lips, the only taste my mouth savoured back in the day, nothing compares to that. 
It wasn't perfect but it was my first. And firsts are not supposed to be perfect. They are supposed to be just that. First.  
I am not clingy but I am not sure. I don't love him anymore. 
And if you ask me, if I still believe in love, I'll tell you I don't. Because once bitten, twice shy. Every time I think I'm not capable of love, I think maybe it's him that's not. And maybe it's true. It could be true. 
And after all this while, I find myself writing something that I wouldn't want 5-year-older-me even thinking about. 

But I have moved on, haven't I? 

Mujhse peheli si mohabbat mere mehboob na maang...
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

7 Things Girls Need to get Right

Disclaimer- This piece is a personal opinion and should not be taken as a remark on anyone. The readers are requested to not be offended since I mean no offence at all. And if you end up being offended, the writer is not to be blamed. Thank you!  I have seen a lot of girls previously but thanks to my college, I now see hundreds of them each day. And analyse them. After so much analysis and observation, I finally discovered some things that ladies and girls need to improve upon and get right. Read on.  1. Wax the underarms  So this is a big big turn off for most people. Girls, you may wear sleeveless tops and dresses but know that we don't like to see the bushy region in your armpits that you least proudly show off. Ensure that you are perfectly waxed or have negligible growth the next time you decide to wear something with no sleeves. There's enough hair on your head, we don't need any more to admire.  2. Plastic straps   If the government was cons...
1 comment
Read more

What's in a Date?

Okay so today we celebrate the last sequential date in this century, 11-12-13.  It's the last date with consecutive numbers to appear in the 21st century, but why the hype?  Did they forget that every damn date in this century will never repeat itself?  Or is this just another money-minting criteria adopted by hotels, hospitals, bars, wedding planners and pandit ji's to brainwash people's minds and inform them about the importance of this one date?  Why the craze to tie the knot on this so called 'auspicious' date? Why the craze to deliver babies on this day? Are you going to tell me that its a 'lucky' day and will make your marriage last a year more than mine? Or your baby will be born an actor or IITian? Or probably that the food at restaurants will be better today?  Hell, no. If love doesn't see person or time, why does it see dates? Ladies, If babies born on other dates can become Shahrukh Khan and Sachin Tendulkar, why the fuss about paining your bo...
Post a Comment
Read more

My First Year of College

First, let me take a deep breath. Whoa! It's been one year since college began and although, it hasn't been as exciting as it looks from the outside, it's not been that bad, either. Infact, It's not even half bad. So, I'm a student of DU who was enrolled under the hastily introduced FYUP which would hold a rather debatable expansion; Four Year Undergraduate Programme or F*ck Yourself Undergraduate Programme. But, let's leave it to that. The termination of this new system came as hurriedly as its implementation, and so we are back to being students of the Three Year Undergraduate Programme.                                    Anyhow, apart from being treated as the official guinea pigs by the Great Indian Education System, there has been a lot to it. Basically, I'm going to talk of how my first year of college has been like. You may or may not exactly relate to it since it is an entirely pers...
Post a Comment
Read more